i am here

(when) are you coming back?
i wanted to ask “when” but now i ask
are you? but then i think, thankful that i have
a silent “today” at the end of my
hey, i was born with half of a pair of
handcuffs closed around my wrist, the
other half dangling and i must have
swallowed the key in my sleep as an infant.
i am thankful for the “today” and that i know
if you say no it will be “okay” my monsters are
scared of that word, you know? of okay. so i am over
joyed when they allow me to think it and
i try so hard to not close the other half of
the handcuffs on any one because that is
when they start squirming and i do not like
squirmy things i want all of us to be free
and yet i was born with these handcuffs
dangling from my wrist so i smile and then
i shake in fear of my own claws when
you leave pieces of you behind because then
i know you will have to come back to get them but
when i feel okay i am okay and know
you will come back anyway because
i believe i am a big piece of you that
i will always have with me so you
will come back for that for me
even if not today
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