me in so many pieces i think

i think i am me in pieces not me as whole who is
who is that even which is me which piece is
what i really want do i really want any of
i feel like i am pieced together for many people in
so many pieces so here is my piece for you
you had my biggest piece because you were born to
fit me and the beginnings of your life were fit to
fit the beginnings of mine and you have my biggest piece because i
chose you to fit me and you chose me to fit you for
the rest of it for the most of the rest of other life beginnings
but oh, dear, where do the pieces tear where did one
beginning end and another begin, dear you are so
dear to me everyone is every one every piece of me
and so i want to stay here while also i want to stay with
you and i want to follow you wherever you go and also
i want to follow me but where am i where am i even.
we bought puzzle glue the other day and just now i
thought it would be nice if i could hold me all together and
you or some me could glue it all up so i could look at it in one
piece but i don’t think these pieces would even fit together
so how could we glue them up without making a huge mess
and leaking leaking into the cracks and bends between all of us
all of me
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a storm;

a storm grew inside my heart the day our voices intertwined
and made stars fall from the sky.
the storm planted its roots inside my heart, but i mistook
the thunder for heartbeats and the tornado for a spring breeze
and so it grew, and grew, and grew

– excerpt from wip novel “better to have loved”

life

i hope you know
that your smile means more than
just upturned lips on a lost face
it means
life
your smiles are life

and, please, remember
your breath means more than
carbon dioxide escaping your little body
it means
life
your breath is life

so i hope these smiles, these breaths that you see
surrounding you, guiding you
are enough of a reminder that
you
are more than skin and bones, my dear
you are life
yes, you are life

the other side

it’s human nature, isn’t it, to focus on what we lack, rather than what we have?

that’s where the grass being green on the other side idea kind of comes from.

or those thoughts that start with “if only…”

if only i was there instead of here, things would be better.

if only i had this instead of that, i could be better.

why else would someone who has just published their first book, earned a growing fanbase, a steady career

feel like they haven’t accomplished enough in life?

why else would someone who has a caring family, several close friends, a loving relationship

feel like they’re alone and unwanted?

we call it a weakness, this tendency to focus on what is missing, rather than what is there.

“humanity’s fatal flaw” she called it.

but maybe it isn’t always so bad. maybe it’s not always a weakness. maybe it’s often our greatest strength.

because why do we focus on what we don’t have? to keep us moving forward, to keep us striving for that elusive place where things are better, we are better. we are scared of feeling completely at peace because maybe that would mean we are done. the story is done once we reach ‘happily ever after’.

and no one wants to be done.

so we keep looking for holes to fill – not just us as individuals, but us as the human race – so we can keep having something to do, something to head toward, or at least something to complain about, something to cry about, something to do something about other than close the book and say ‘the end. we have achieved a state of imperfect perfection. we are now done.’