.

does yellow represent fake sunshine or something
i had a wistful dream where my hair turned yellow and i think maybe it was about
the death of the routine we have now as she extends her
contract and he extends our physical distance, maybe colouring
myself yellow is like pretending i am mellow about growing
apart, and ‘we are not apart’ he says, she says, and yes, i know
i know, we are close, we are still close and you are still here i know, but
change is still change and i have never won any awards for my adaptability
but yellow is the sun always rises, yellow is it is what it is so put a smile on your face
because maybe then will have some better days than now, but still, i’ll miss you now
i miss you now
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wings and leaves

leaves may leave but roots are hard to move from
where i am, where you are, i am a tree, i am a nest
and you built me up, i am built up from remnants of
you that you shared with me, little birdies, wings make it so easy
to leave, but i didn’t know even she would fly so far because
bigger nests and brighter skies are out there, somewhere, while
i am only the same old, loved, stems and branches, yes, you are still
loved, she told me, a home is a home even if my wings take me elsewhere,
i will still sing to you as i roam the skies, i will, but me, i shake and try
to raise my leaves as though they are wings and i can leave along with them, but
i cry knowing that i am glued to the ground where i grew around
you, onto you, when you called me home, and while
you stuck onto me like i am a house, i stuck onto you like you
are my heart, and hearts don’t have doors and windows.
so, when you joke around about me being too sticky like honey, but honey,
do you know i have been holding my breath since the first night
you fell asleep among my leaves,
counting down the days until you make like a tree

me in so many pieces i think

i think i am me in pieces not me as whole who is
who is that even which is me which piece is
what i really want do i really want any of
i feel like i am pieced together for many people in
so many pieces so here is my piece for you
you had my biggest piece because you were born to
fit me and the beginnings of your life were fit to
fit the beginnings of mine and you have my biggest piece because i
chose you to fit me and you chose me to fit you for
the rest of it for the most of the rest of other life beginnings
but oh, dear, where do the pieces tear where did one
beginning end and another begin, dear you are so
dear to me everyone is every one every piece of me
and so i want to stay here while also i want to stay with
you and i want to follow you wherever you go and also
i want to follow me but where am i where am i even.
we bought puzzle glue the other day and just now i
thought it would be nice if i could hold me all together and
you or some me could glue it all up so i could look at it in one
piece but i don’t think these pieces would even fit together
so how could we glue them up without making a huge mess
and leaking leaking into the cracks and bends between all of us
all of me

a storm;

a storm grew inside my heart the day our voices intertwined
and made stars fall from the sky.
the storm planted its roots inside my heart, but i mistook
the thunder for heartbeats and the tornado for a spring breeze
and so it grew, and grew, and grew

– excerpt from wip novel “better to have loved”

life

i hope you know
that your smile means more than
just upturned lips on a lost face
it means
life
your smiles are life

and, please, remember
your breath means more than
carbon dioxide escaping your little body
it means
life
your breath is life

so i hope these smiles, these breaths that you see
surrounding you, guiding you
are enough of a reminder that
you
are more than skin and bones, my dear
you are life
yes, you are life

infinity.

please don’t leave me. i’m so scared.

silly child. i’ll still be here. we’re all always going to be here.

what do you mean?

answer me this. what do you think we’re made of?

…i don’t know… skin and bones?

haha. that’s just our temporary container. something to hold what we all really are.

and what is that?

energy.

energy?

that’s what we are all made of. energy. and do you know something about energy?

i know nothing about anything.

energy can never be destroyed.

then… where do we go when we’re… gone?

well. energy never disappears. it only transforms.

transforms?

yes. changes form. sometimes, we’re skin and bones. sometimes, we’re balls of air. sometimes, we’re a spring breeze. but we’re still together. all of us. in this one, giant universe. that’s constantly transforming.

but… how can i see you again? how can i talk to you again?

you don’t have to worry about little things like that. the world is so much bigger than all of these little things. what matters is that we are not gone. we are never gone. we’ve simply changed. but we’re all, always together. every little thing that you see. we’re all part of one big, everlasting, ever-transforming, infinity.

including you?

including me. including you. us. we are infinity.