a storm grew inside my heart the day our voices intertwined
and made stars fall from the sky.
the storm planted its roots inside my heart, but i mistook
the thunder for heartbeats and the tornado for a spring breeze
and so it grew, and grew, and grew
– excerpt from wip novel “better to have loved”
it’s human nature, isn’t it, to focus on what we lack, rather than what we have?
that’s where the grass being green on the other side idea kind of comes from.
or those thoughts that start with “if only…”
if only i was there instead of here, things would be better.
if only i had this instead of that, i could be better.
why else would someone who has just published their first book, earned a growing fanbase, a steady career
feel like they haven’t accomplished enough in life?
why else would someone who has a caring family, several close friends, a loving relationship
feel like they’re alone and unwanted?
we call it a weakness, this tendency to focus on what is missing, rather than what is there.
“humanity’s fatal flaw” she called it.
but maybe it isn’t always so bad. maybe it’s not always a weakness. maybe it’s often our greatest strength.
because why do we focus on what we don’t have? to keep us moving forward, to keep us striving for that elusive place where things are better, we are better. we are scared of feeling completely at peace because maybe that would mean we are done. the story is done once we reach ‘happily ever after’.
and no one wants to be done.
so we keep looking for holes to fill – not just us as individuals, but us as the human race – so we can keep having something to do, something to head toward, or at least something to complain about, something to cry about, something to do something about other than close the book and say ‘the end. we have achieved a state of imperfect perfection. we are now done.’
i stepped on a puddle and drowned
and my head is underwater and i’m looking around
and all i hear are familiar sounds of wind chimes and children so
i sing and pretty bubbles come out of my mouth
everyone here is ready to go.
it’s been a hard year, with nothing to show.
from down this road, it’s only up we go.
– up we go by lights