me in so many pieces i think

i think i am me in pieces not me as whole who is
who is that even which is me which piece is
what i really want do i really want any of
i feel like i am pieced together for many people in
so many pieces so here is my piece for you
you had my biggest piece because you were born to
fit me and the beginnings of your life were fit to
fit the beginnings of mine and you have my biggest piece because i
chose you to fit me and you chose me to fit you for
the rest of it for the most of the rest of other life beginnings
but oh, dear, where do the pieces tear where did one
beginning end and another begin, dear you are so
dear to me everyone is every one every piece of me
and so i want to stay here while also i want to stay with
you and i want to follow you wherever you go and also
i want to follow me but where am i where am i even.
we bought puzzle glue the other day and just now i
thought it would be nice if i could hold me all together and
you or some me could glue it all up so i could look at it in one
piece but i don’t think these pieces would even fit together
so how could we glue them up without making a huge mess
and leaking leaking into the cracks and bends between all of us
all of me

the other side

it’s human nature, isn’t it, to focus on what we lack, rather than what we have?

that’s where the grass being green on the other side idea kind of comes from.

or those thoughts that start with “if only…”

if only i was there instead of here, things would be better.

if only i had this instead of that, i could be better.

why else would someone who has just published their first book, earned a growing fanbase, a steady career

feel like they haven’t accomplished enough in life?

why else would someone who has a caring family, several close friends, a loving relationship

feel like they’re alone and unwanted?

we call it a weakness, this tendency to focus on what is missing, rather than what is there.

“humanity’s fatal flaw” she called it.

but maybe it isn’t always so bad. maybe it’s not always a weakness. maybe it’s often our greatest strength.

because why do we focus on what we don’t have? to keep us moving forward, to keep us striving for that elusive place where things are better, we are better. we are scared of feeling completely at peace because maybe that would mean we are done. the story is done once we reach ‘happily ever after’.

and no one wants to be done.

so we keep looking for holes to fill – not just us as individuals, but us as the human race – so we can keep having something to do, something to head toward, or at least something to complain about, something to cry about, something to do something about other than close the book and say ‘the end. we have achieved a state of imperfect perfection. we are now done.’

infinity.

please don’t leave me. i’m so scared.

silly child. i’ll still be here. we’re all always going to be here.

what do you mean?

answer me this. what do you think we’re made of?

…i don’t know… skin and bones?

haha. that’s just our temporary container. something to hold what we all really are.

and what is that?

energy.

energy?

that’s what we are all made of. energy. and do you know something about energy?

i know nothing about anything.

energy can never be destroyed.

then… where do we go when we’re… gone?

well. energy never disappears. it only transforms.

transforms?

yes. changes form. sometimes, we’re skin and bones. sometimes, we’re balls of air. sometimes, we’re a spring breeze. but we’re still together. all of us. in this one, giant universe. that’s constantly transforming.

but… how can i see you again? how can i talk to you again?

you don’t have to worry about little things like that. the world is so much bigger than all of these little things. what matters is that we are not gone. we are never gone. we’ve simply changed. but we’re all, always together. every little thing that you see. we’re all part of one big, everlasting, ever-transforming, infinity.

including you?

including me. including you. us. we are infinity.

dear dandelion, you are

and i think one of the most beautiful things just might be
spring breezes in the summer
warm breezes in the winter
serendipitous surprises just because
just because you are who you are
and, love, this is all you ever needed to hear
orange lullabies and bedtime stories we still hold dear
and the sparrow chirps back when its babies call
the flowers dance even as the nights they fall 
because someone out there just maybe, really knows
how this story was meant to go, yet
that doesn’t stop us from hoping, holding, making wishes
turning just any other dandelion from weed to wings as
the spring breeze blows even as far north as we are.
and ice-cream and stickers that glow in the dark
and animal hats and cake and wandering stars 
still do sing, truly. so he takes her hand, truly.
and i think this just might be one of the most beautiful things
this life this love this everything in the everyday this
just because you are. you are.

new book: through love, lies, and other things that exist

Screen Shot 2015-08-11 at 10.19.09 PM

A Collection of Poems and Words

AVAILABLE HERE
E-book: https://payhip.com/b/vUaP
Softcover/Hardcover: http://www.blurb.ca/user/store/rainsharmin

i wanted to write lyrics with these flowers
and thorns and stars you’ve tattooed across my arms and my chest; but maybe these thoughts and feelings are too scattered for song. so maybe i’ll write these uncaged words instead.

i ran into something unbelievable last winter.
it came into our lives in the fall. and it grew and grew. and by winter, it was so huge, that the whole world had to morph and widen and brighten to fit it. this morphing, and widening, and brightening was a journey filled with light and dark, learning and growth, hope and doubt, dreams and rude awakenings, shock and wonder.
these poems and lyrics and words are a documentation of that journey.
a journey through love, lies, and other things that exist.

labels. (excerpt from “the art of breaking”)

labels.
as soon as we grow up, we get labelled.
stamped, dated, labelled.
birthdate. time. place. weight. height. worth.
name.
an arbitrary name we have no choice in, yet it becomes
something so intricately woven into everything we do
for (usually) pretty much the rest of our lives

as we grow, we accumulate more and more labels
likes. dislikes.
school. program. skills. talents.
derogatory terms. categorizing terms.
brands we wear, bands we love.

our personalities end up being boxed into these few labels
some others stamp on us. and some we stamp onto ourselves.

and that’s what we become.

enclosed and contained within our own selves,
taped and packed and labelled.

just a bit of summertime magic.

dear reader,

you know what looks really magical to me?

something that looks as though it is straight out of a fairytale?

these little white fuzzy things that look like dandelion fluff flying around in the air! when they’re all gathered, and just blissfully floating in the breeze. it looks so dreamlike ❤ i feel like they are tiny fairies, or lost wishes, or pieces of old memories, or other precious things you could capture and keep in jars (but that are much more beautiful when set free~) i feel like i should chase them or something. and they’ll lead me to a place. a place where wishes come true* haha.

googling them up led me to these:
http://www.fitsugar.com/All-Fluff-Your-Seasonal-Allergies-303967
http://www.mnn.com/local-reports/illinois/local-blog/airborne-fluff-the-cottonwood-tree
http://www.abundantnature.com/2012/06/fuzzy-white-flying-bugs.html

whatever they may be, aren’t they just magical? ❤

the image of them all floating in the air brings up pretty, magical pictures like these in my head, so:

ImageImageImage
Image       Image       Image

okay, that’s all for now. :3

love,

– rain.

*oh, just a Clannad reference 😛

 

OH. sources for the images:
http://lilium.tumblr.com/
http://usernameisbeingused.tumblr.com/
http://hellyeskingdomhearts.tumblr.com/

carpe diem summer 2014.

just a list of things i’ve done to keep track of them 🙂 and for anyone who’s doing something similar this summer, maybe some of these will help you come up with ideas or inspiration or motivation or something lol. ^-^ (also my other blog too)

1. went to see a musical in my little sister’s school :3
2. went to a karaoke place and sang foreign songs we don’t understand or know the lyrics to xD :B
3. made a new friend~ (with a baby in our neighbourhood :B)
4. started organizing my huge, huge digital photo collection 😮
5. had board game nights with the sisters :B (played Clue and Game of Life)
6. bought a 1000-piece disney photomosaic puzzle! (haven’t started it yet though haha xD)
7. continuing to learn a new language~ (so fun when i can pick up on people’s conversations without them knowing i know what they’re saying HAHA :3 — not that i’m an eavesdropper or anything! :O)
8. went to the African Lion Safari! 😀 whoo~
9. tried to have a “yes” day (where you say ‘yes’ to everything you get asked! :O it can be an amazing way to discover unexpected new opportunities. :3 one thing leads to another and all~ [safety first though! haha xD])
10. joined a musical theatre class — got assigned a song for musical theatre 😮 trying to think up choreography ideas for it with my sister :3
11. danced to Just Dance at the shopping mall in front of an xbox display thing they had set up outside a windows store
12. tried out new organic frozen yogurt place! mixed almost all the toppings they had there together for quite an exciting flavour LOL ugly pictures coming soon 😛
13. bought a new board game to try (Quelf, anyone?)
14. bought a bunch of new accessories, necklaces and rings and stuff :3
15. visited the flea market and just walked around looking at all the stalls~

here is another list i came across the other day:
http://hellogiggles.com/single-girls-totally-doable-summer-bucket-list
some of these sound really fun! 😀 so, take a look for more ideas ^-^

here are a couple of my favourites:
10. pick a summer anthem (which we did during our first carpediemsummer back in 2012! 😀 haha, we picked the “carpe diem” song from phineas and ferb, naturally. and learned a choreographed dance to it. and we sang + danced it everywhere! be it playgrounds and parks, the garden section of wal-mart, busy streets of downtown, or just on our own in our living room. LOL! it was really silly. but awesome, as most really silly things are. :B)
15. learn the handshake from parent trap
16. celebrate an obscure holiday and go all-out (we were thinking we could also make up our own holiday! 😀 and go all-out. haha.)
26. make fake character personalities and use them at bars (though we don’t frequent bars, we could do this somewhere else where we meet people LOL i’ve always wanted to try this xD just to see what happens :P)
40. go somewhere for every letter of the alphabet (sounds really interesting! o: going to try this one for sure.)

catch-up post. about musical theatre class. :)

so, as mentioned before, in the spirit of carpe diem summer, i joined a musical theatre class with my sister a few weeks ago. :O

here’s what i was going to post after our first class a few weeks back:

“so we just attended our first musical theatre class the other day, and it was pretty fun! 😀

everyone was really nice, and i was surprised to discover that despite my lack of any acting/singing background, i was not the least experienced person there! ^-^ and also despite being younger than most of the other people in the class, we were treated pretty equally 😀 and we fit in pretty well, i think. :3 
 
so yeah, it was really fun. and i felt really comfortable there.
until they all started naming these famous musicals and talking about singing and things (something i have no experience in D: nor proper knowledge of) and then i felt a little silly because when they said “larger than life”, i thought of backstreet boys, when they said “seymour” i thought of final fantasy x, when they said “jekyll & hyde”, i thought of this:
 
Image
and out all the (about five) musicals that i knew of, three of them i knew of because of glee! xD oh my goodness, i’m so un-deep. :P”
 
haha. but no, the class is actually really fun, and the people are all amazing, and i’m glad we made this spontaneous decision to join it. ^^ now. hopefully i won’t be completely embarassing during the performance at the end of the class! ^^” hehe…
 
BUT! speaking of the performance 😀 we got so lucky with the song they gave us~ judging from all the musicals they were naming the first class, we figured we’d get some famous song we aren’t really familiar with and have to learn it from scratch but we got like one of our favourite songs that we’ve been singing since we were kids! 😀 as a duet too! yay~ we even have the song listed as songs to practice for fun in our carpe diem summer’s to do list from earlier! 
 
how serendipitous~