i love music~

and recently, these melodies keep coming to me lol. :B

maybe my next “new thing” that i try will be to learn how to write music, so i can write some of these melodies down? ^-^

:3

 

i have a problem.
i go through these…i don’t know, i call them “phases”. where i’ll be really into something for a while (a few weeks, or months, i don’t know, it’s different each time), but then it just fades~ until i re-discover it again later (in a few weeks, months, years, again, it’s different each time, and i’m not really sure how to control it).

this applies to a lot of things, and recently, i’ve been paying more attention to just relaxing, hopeless day-dreaming, learning a new language, (and apparently, trying to make music? ^^) than i have been to writing or drawing. :< it’s sad because now i have all these novel/story ideas sitting in my evernote files, getting all dusty and feeling neglected >.<;; but i don’t feel the same rush to finish them anymore, i don’t know. 3: what to do, what to do~

 

i wish i was as good as some people at sticking to things… i should work on that. ><

 

 

 

i want to make songs.

(and learn how to sing? XD haha.)

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i’m back!

sorry for the hiatus. 😛

got a little pre-occupied with school and family and vacation-ing and obsessing over new celebrity crush. >.>;;

 

anywayyy.

i’ve been continuing to work on my novels though. :3 and will probably be posting some new excerpts in the coming week.

i also came up with a bunch of more new things that i want to try! (like learn three different languages!)

***

i have this tendency… where i get bored of things relatively easily. >.<;; i mean, once in a while, i’ll come up with a big goal/dream of some kind, but i don’t have the dedication to stick it through, especially not for years and years. i think maybe two months or so (?) is my limit in working toward one thing, and placing it as high priority.

either way!

i really do want to finish at least one of the novels i’ve planned, and i think i’m motivated enough about this to actually see it through, so. 🙂 please, cheer me on~ 😛 i’ll do my best. ^^

***

on another note. i have this new-found appreciation and awe for flying. (as in, on airplanes. not, like, magical flying. which is awesome too! but, you know, i’ve always had a thing for that. [hence, it wouldn’t be new-found…:B])

 

until later!

– rain~ :3

i’m scared.

please (-and i)
please understand that the last time i remember being completely carefree about quickened heartbeats and blushed cheeks were the days when i did quizzes on blogthings for entertainment and rushed through my math homework so i could go on the computer as early as possible. those were the days of red scribbles on grid paper before i lost touch with things and then the paper turned into pink and white sticky notes promoting breast cancer awareness with scribbles made from pencils or maybe blue pen i

don’t (-know)
don’t forget i gave you something special twice. and i don’t know if you know this clearly but you ripped it apart once twice bit by bit by bit and threw it away and i took it back. i took back all the pieces and super glue-gun’d them together and hid it from you and locked it and hid the key under the mat and taped the mat to the floor and camouflaged it with words that were the same colour as everything i said before but they didn’t come from the same place because that place didn’t exist anymore since life always seems to

break (-all good things)
break things into pieces or sometimes shatter them. and laugh at you while you try to gather up each and every piece and put it back together but you never really can put it all back the way it was because, some of the shattered pieces are too small for you to see. and sometimes you can’t pick up some of the pieces because the edges are too sharp and if you try your fingertips will bleed and you know it and you know that you can’t always fix things with bandages. and sometimes, you try to pick those pieces up anyway. and you bleed. just like you knew you would. and i didn’t want that to happen to the ‘something special’ i gave you and that’s why i took it back before you could break it that badly. i hope you know that the ‘something special’ that i gave you was

me (-never)
me always, but i liked to pretend as though i could win when i was losing and i just wanted to feel like i was in first place and i guess being last is in a way better than being second. still. i liked to think if i just left the race, or maybe got myself disqualified – whichever was easier – then it wouldn’t hurt to lose so badly and good-ly at the same time, almost like a paradox. and that’s a horrible feeling, because almost no one really likes the last few letters of the alphabet and, so i wanted to drop the race, and convince myself that i could win

again (-last)
again a paradox because winners don’t usually come in last. or maybe paradox is the wrong word, probably, because i never did know the difference between juxtaposition and paradox and all the other contradicting or contrasting or whatever they were called, those terms. i knew what oxymoron meant though. like ‘extremely average’, or bittersweet, or painless love. but other than that, i didn’t understand the terms, not fully, and i just guessed my way through grade ten english, the same way that i guess my way through life. the same way that i guess i gave you almost everything back again, am giving you everything back again. and i think that is what i want except i’m scared because your mind might be made of water and i know that sea monsters exist.

and last night i had a dream that i was a fish who didn’t know how to swim.

just some prose which will most likely be incorporated in some form or another in my WIP slice-of-life story titled “in case you cared”. ^^

forever in a nutshell.

forever is
the moment when today turns into tomorrow
and tomorrow turns into today

it is
going backward and forward
in circles that grow
infinitely and

forever.it

is the continuum hypothesis
where infinite sets can have different sizes
all too great to contain within a single mind
like the line between insanity and

this.

it is bigger than the biggest imagination of the most imaginative child
and smaller than the smallest mind of the most small-minded man

it is anything divided by zero
and a ribbon in the shape of an eight

it is the lie or promise behind true love and
the faith or wish between heaven and hell
and an illusion that makes it seem as though
things can actually last
longer than

life.

it is as unreal as
always and never and infinite and forty-two
and as real as
the day after sunday, and the day before monday

it.

is something no mind can see hear or know
and the only truth that’s worth it, is this, to

remember:

forever is (everything and) nothing, and
nothing (and everything) is forever.

“the storytellers” excerpt: faster, faster, faster!

  faster, faster, faster!
     oh, wind, please stop pushing me backward.
i need to catch up —
the wind howls in my ears
grabs at my arms, legs, hair. engulfs me in a mini tornado.
dark, wet leaves wildly dance about, and the trees can barely stand still, and i can barely keep going
but, please
i have to. i need to.
my legs trip over branches, and twigs, and there is no opening.
no opening.
large waving twig arms, and old, rotting trees cover the sky
block the clouds
the darkness and fog work with the wind
they keep pushing at me, pushing at me, throwing rocks, dead leaves, anything it can find at me.
i have to close my eyes,
     and i trip
and i keep falling, and falling
i gulp
     and try to breathe
     but the air refuses to come to me
i open my mouth to scream
but my voice turns into bubbles
and something strange is entering my lungs and
i knew i should have taken those swimming lessons
i stop trying to call out to someone, anyone,
because no one else lives here anyway
no one else but me exists here
in this world where the sun never rises.

“the storytellers” excerpt: sometimes, i sit on the trees while i write.

\\\\\
here is a short excerpt from the novel series “the storytellers”.
please comment and let me know what you think, thank you! 🙂
/////
46.
      sometimes, i sit on the trees while i write.
               i wear a yellow dress — the one with the white flowers on it that my grandma gave me — and mis-matched stockings and yellow shoes and my favourite sun-hat.
          we don’t get very many windy days here.
          so hats are safe.
          even when seated atop the trees. among the leaves.
the leaves tickle my face, my hair dances over my eyes, my notebook pages refuse to stand still. flustered by the scene, my hat takes flight. soaring to the sky, waving goodbye to me with its satin ribbon arms.
     today is unexpectedly windy.
what? my favourite hat!
     i reach out to grab it’s satin ribbons.
oh.
not a good idea.
and the ground races up to meet me.